This Week With Baby L

I'm in my second trimester...    

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

I haven't been able to tell much of a difference yet, but I'm holding on to hope. I will feel like a normal human being again!

I've been wanting to blog about this for a while, but I don't want to hurt anyone. I have gone back and forth about whether or not I should even say anything in fear that I would either say the wrong thing or not truly express how I feel about the people I care so much about.

The moment I found out I was pregnant, joy overwhelmed me. My whole body felt like it was buzzing! The next moment was an overwhelming reality and fear. What about my friends? 


So many of those dear to me have experienced unimaginable loss of their sweet babies. Or the friends who want a baby so desperately and struggle to conceive. The innocence of pregnancy is gone. The "what if's" flood my brain and fear takes over.

What if they don't want to talk to me anymore? 
How do I continue to have joy and still grieve with those who are still grieving? 




What if the same thing happens to me? 


Again, just blogging about this scares the crap out of me. I hope that I am not saying something insensitive or hurtful.

It is a constant battle to fight the fear of "what if" instead of being thankful for the gift that God has put inside of me.

You see, I worry about everything. I worry about every pain in my belly as it is stretching to hold my sweet baby. I worry that I'm taking too much nausea medication. I worry that I'm not eating perfectly. I worry that I'll never get my body back after 2 babies.  I worry. You name it, I have probably thought about it and worried myself sick.

I haven't resolved this issue inside of me yet, but I am trying. Trying to be thankful for my family and trust the plan God has for my family. I'm not sure I could fix much with the amount of hormones raging through my body anyway. :)

To my dear friends who are waiting to see their babies again, I think of you and your angels every single day. You are never far from my heart. You have all taught me to be a better mother and to hug my Penelope tight and cherish every moment with her. Thank you for your bravery and faith as you go through this journey. Love you.